This has been a week I want to forget but I know I never will. Sad beyond belief – and I am still unsettled over the emotions and grief I am feeling. Let me explain, if I can.
A good friend of mine committed suicide this past week. This was a gentle man – a father – a husband – A godly man - a friend to many. He was only 40 years old, had the perfect life, we saw zero signs of depression - Yet… for some unknown reason he lost all hope and forgot everything he knew to be true in his life. He forgot about how he was loved by his wife. He forgot about how his seven year old Son worshipped him as his hero and thought the sun rose and set in his eyes. Or how this son would never really understand how his Dad could leave him by choosing to die instead of living for him. He also forgot about all his friends who truly loved him and could never imagine he would do this thing – especially when we had all heard how devastated he was when his own Father had committed suicide when he was a young boy.
Knowing that he had complained that he didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. That he had always felt a loss of understanding regarding how his Dad could have just killed himself instead of living to see him grow-up and just being there for him. He always said he needed his Dad so many times. And here we are, his friends, his wife, his Son -feeling the same way – at a total loss to understand how he, of all people, could have done the same thing to his family and to his Son.
I believe this was emotionally one of the toughest things I have ever had to witness in my entire life. This week – seeing his seven year old boy, trying to be so brave, at his Father’s funeral. His hands in his pockets, trying so hard to be a little man – yet crying his heart out while he walked behind his Fathers casket.
I am still emotionally drained and my heart still aches for his family, his friends, his wife, and for this precious child – that was left behind – not understanding – Why… - None of us understand why...
Please pray for the Mercy and Grace of Jesus to comfort the hearts of us all during these days to come as we try to comprehend this tragedy.
I think that sometimes those individuals who commit suicide descend into such a deep depression that they fail to comprehend the devastation they are visiting upon their families and loved ones. That is the true tragedy. I am sorry for your loss as well as for the loss his family must endure.
Thank you for caring - and you are so right - despair - a total loss of hope - and my heart aches... for such a great loss is he.
As one little 7 year told our children's grief group when he explained his daddy's suicide: "My daddy's mind was so broken this was the only way he knew how to fix it." Wise young man - I hope the fact that we helped this little boy when he was so young, we have averted a future tragedy repeating the past.
This sadness is beyond our grasp that was created by this tragedy. There were over 300 people that were friends of this man and all of us were clueless to any depression. Everything seemed perfect and I guess that is the key word here - "seemed"
I don't understand the why's of this - but I must try and call upon all the faith I have to know there is a bigger plan in the works that is beyond me. This has just left us all in shock - and blindsided.
You know, someone who does this will usually NOT say anything to others - they just DO it. The ones that talk about it don't really want to kill themselves - it's a cry for help.
I feel so sad for the family he left behind - especially his little boy.
I worked closely with this man for 5 years and watched how he planned for his son. My hubby and I were his only baby sitters for his son, other than his wifes parents. (his parents had both died) For 7 years we have watched how devoted of a Father he was to this boy - and the word SHOCK just doesn't explain the emptyness felt by this awful pain that is in our hearts.
Looking for explanations - we are all wondering "what happened"????
That may be so - how truly sad - if nothing is found out to explain his thoughts. Yes, how sad for everyone - especially the immediate family members.
LIfting this family and you up to our Lord in prayer! Heide
I still can't speak about it without crying my eyes out - no words seem to be able to take the hurt away - Your prayers are so needed - thank you.
I think we go through the whole range of emotions - sadness, anger, guilt, etc. It is normal.
Of course, right now, you and all his friends are in shock. And that is normal.
ron