This has been a week I want to forget but I know I never will. Sad beyond belief – and I am still unsettled over the emotions and grief I am feeling. Let me explain, if I can.
A good friend of mine committed suicide this past week. This was a gentle man – a father – a husband – A godly man - a friend to many. He was only 40 years old, had the perfect life, we saw zero signs of depression - Yet… for some unknown reason he lost all hope and forgot everything he knew to be true in his life. He forgot about how he was loved by his wife. He forgot about how his seven year old Son worshipped him as his hero and thought the sun rose and set in his eyes. Or how this son would never really understand how his Dad could leave him by choosing to die instead of living for him. He also forgot about all his friends who truly loved him and could never imagine he would do this thing – especially when we had all heard how devastated he was when his own Father had committed suicide when he was a young boy.
Knowing that he had complained that he didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. That he had always felt a loss of understanding regarding how his Dad could have just killed himself instead of living to see him grow-up and just being there for him. He always said he needed his Dad so many times. And here we are, his friends, his wife, his Son -feeling the same way – at a total loss to understand how he, of all people, could have done the same thing to his family and to his Son.
I believe this was emotionally one of the toughest things I have ever had to witness in my entire life. This week – seeing his seven year old boy, trying to be so brave, at his Father’s funeral. His hands in his pockets, trying so hard to be a little man – yet crying his heart out while he walked behind his Fathers casket.
I am still emotionally drained and my heart still aches for his family, his friends, his wife, and for this precious child – that was left behind – not understanding – Why… - None of us understand why...
Please pray for the Mercy and Grace of Jesus to comfort the hearts of us all during these days to come as we try to comprehend this tragedy.
