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Looking for Truth
Tuesday January 16, 2007
I posted this last march and being that yesterday was the anniversary of my Dad's death, I wanted to post it again with a few updates. My Dad died at the age of 75 on January 15, 2002. He was a loving man with an awful temper who could go from love to hate within 5 seconds, but I loved him even with all his good and bad traits. So I wanted to post this again so that some of you, who didn't see it before will have a chance to know more about the man he was and why I still grieve his death.
My Dad was a "John Wayne" of a man. He taught me to shoot a gun and hit what I was aiming at before I was six. He was a hard worker, always putting in long hours for fair pay. He owned his own business and never asked anyone to do more than he was doing. He was a good man. Not perfect because trying to be perfect always got in his way.
There was nothing my Dad couldn't do better than anyone else. He had many faults - but admitted to few. I never cared because above everything else in the world he loved me. I was his pride and joy and his "tomboy" - the son he always wanted. We would hunt together, ride horses and even work together. I was his office secretary as I got older and could sign his name for payroll checks better than he did. He used to laugh that if his signature was ever needed they would have to call me to sign it, because his would be mistaken for a forgery.
My Dad passed away 5 years ago. A young man by most standards, he was only 75. We talked to each other until he slipped into a coma, the day before he died. We talk about being saved and knowing the real Jesus and the real God of the Bible.
You see my Dad was Mormon. He was a Temple Mormon, and held the priesthood in the LDS Church. He had his temple garments and his secret name and burial clothes including his little “green leaf” which he was buried wearing. He believed in a different God and Jesus than I did. A ritualistic god, not the God of the Bible that I believed in. But a god of Flesh and Bone who was an exalted man. A god that was not the only god, but one of many. A god like he hoped to be one day. A god that Mormons pray to and a Jesus that are completely foreign to the bible.
We talked about our different beliefs. How according to the Bible, that his Mormonism was not Christianity. That his god and his Jesus and his holy spirit - were only gods of many to the Mormon faith. We talked of the differences and what risks were involved if either of us were wrong.
If I am wrong in my Christian beliefs and my Dad was right, I will still end up in a heaven - one of three the Mormons believe in. It would be their lower heaven, but still heaven. Mormons aren't as tuff as God.
If my Dad was wrong in his LDS beliefs and I am right, according to the God of the Bible - he will end up in Hell at the final Judgment. God says you're either for or against him. There are no shades of gray with God.
My Dad's last words were that he loved me and knew I believed he was marching into hell banging a big drum, but he was not going to abandon his dead Mother and family. He said he wanted all that was coming to him, according to his faith. I said, that I love him too, but as a Christian, I would pray that would not happen, not to him. Then I prayed and prayed again.
The hardest thing to have to face is the idea that someone you love and someone's soul could be or will be in eternal damnation. I grieved and prayed for God's mercy on my Dad's soul the day he died. I have continued to pray for all the lost souls in Mormonism. I believe that the Bible tells us we all have a freedom of choice. Choose the Christian God of the Bible or know the eternal outcome. We will spend eternity somewhere.
Sadness – it’s not just losing a parent or any loved one. True sadness, is being aware that their eternal soul maybe lost forever. God is not cruel, God is fair and loving and will judge us by the Free Choices we make. I miss my Dad - I will always miss my Dad  | | Posted by Lookin' at 6:02 PM - | |
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Sunday January 14, 2007
My old Texas Grandmother, whom I called Mamo, once told me “Hon, you will be judged in life by whom you keep company with and if they do something unacceptable you will be as guilty as they are by association.” This was life lesson #1 when I first went to school – but I have to say that some of you here on the blogstream have never been taught anything about decency outside the good old boy’s locker room.
As a kid I didn’t fully understand that concept but as I have grown into full adulthood – I get it big time – now. There are some things I just quiver at being associated with in my life. Take the example of porn, soft or hard-core, itjust doesn’t do a thing for me, in fact I find it degrading to females and males alike. Oh I have seen almost everything they have to show, most of it by the 5th grade (I was a good reader and liked to look at pictures) but… what is it that after the mental level of 5th grade intrigues some people to continue to keep that mind set? Conversations like, “Hey, hey Bubba, come look at this!” – or “Have you seen this one of my old Granny or my last girlfriend”? I mean come on guys and girls – it’s time to grow up and to pull your heads out of your butts before you go blind from all the darkness you are creating in the spaces of your brain. Some people like to look intelligent - obviously you are not one of them - but you should try a bit harder.
Let me put it a better way. There are some of you out here on the blogstream that this picture fits very well. If the shoe fits, you will know exactly whom I talking to – YOU, and if the shoe doesn’t fit – just bear with me while I get this off my chest. When you have children or if you ever get the chance to be a “hero” to someone – is this what you want them to think you’re about. Do you want them to think that you are some gigantic mindless creep that gets off on degrading people with some sexual garbage that he has held on to since the 5th grade? I guess there are some losers out there that you could pal around with, I mean, there are losers everywhere, mental midgets galore and you have probably collected most of them within your little 8” by 12” blogstream square… – but when everything is said and done and you’re standing before God (and you will) at the end your days, Do you really think He will be amused? I know HE won’t.
Let’s face it – You are not that funny – and I don’t know a single morally upstanding person who would disagree with me. I am sorry that you seem to get off on degrading people, but don’t you know that you are degrading yourself most of all? You are – believe it – You don’t have to take it from me, but I care enough about you to tell you that truth. I won’t laugh at you – but I will pray for your enlightenment and for wisdom to guide you better. Don’t you think it’s time to grow up? This is just an observation – and if you don’t take it, no skin off my nose. I won’t be mad, I have had my say and that is what our blogs are for - to show what we’re made of within our thoughts. It's kind of like the idea that you can be pretty on the outside and still be ugly on the inside. I see your ugliness and I feel sorry you would want it to show. I know that you can do better, if you want to. If you don’t – your choice - I will still be here. No brag, just fact.  | | Posted by Lookin' at 7:10 PM - | |
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Wednesday January 10, 2007
With all the New Years Resolutions being made I thought of these verses from chapter 6 in Matthew. Not because I don’t believe in making resolutions, because I do, but because some people “worry” so much about everything that they accomplish nothing except worry.
Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]? (Matt. 6:25-27 - NIV)
Are you accomplishing what you set out to do – or are you just worrying about doing something because it makes you feel less guilty? That was a question I asked myself this year before I made my resolutions. I have found that sometimes guilt is a good thing and a great motivator. But “worry” accomplishes nothing.
 | | Posted by Lookin' at 2:43 PM - | |
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Sunday January 7, 2007
One of the greatest gifts I ever received was given to me by my daughter. A few years before she became a mother she gave me five songs for Christmas that she had gone to the studio and recorded. She was a music major in college, a teacher after college, with a Bachelors degree in Music. She is also a gifted musician in both Opera and Jazz winning consecutive scholarships for vocal at the University of Sacramento, California. She now holds the title of Wife, Mother, and Childrens Ministry Director at her church and I could not be more proud.
Anyway, This song called Mama a Rainbow was one of the songs she recorded for me and she said it was written as if from her very heart. This she said was her gift to me. (This is not her singing but you will get the idea) The song is from the Broadway play Minnies boys and the words have been burned into my heart ever since I hear them. –
Please take the time to listen to it because the last few words are the entire meaning of the song and I know it will give you chills, as it did me.
I just wanted to share one of a thousand memories that are locked in the heart of this Mother.
MAMA, A RAINBOW - Lyrics
[verse]:
WHAT DO YOU GIVE TO THE LADY WHO HAS GIVEN
ALL HER LIFE AND LOVE TO YOU?
WHAT DO YOU GIVE TO THE REASON YOU`RE LIVIN`?
I COULD WINDOWSHOP THE WORLD BEFORE I`M THROUGH.
[Chorus]:
MAMA, A RAINBOW,
MAMA, A SUNRISE,
MAMA, THE MOON TO WEAR.
THAT`S NOT GOOD ENOUGH,
NO, NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
NOT FOR MAMA.
MAMA, A PALACE.
DIAMONDS LIKE DOORKNOBS.
MOUNTAINS OF GOLD TO SPARE.
THAT`S NOT RICH ENOUGH,
NO NOT RICH ENOUGH,
NOT FOR MAMA.
MAMA, A LIFETIME, CROWDED WITH LAUGHTER,
THAT`S NOT LONG ENOUGH, NOT HALF LONG ENOUGH.
WHAT CAN I GIVE YOU
THAT I CAN GIVE YOU?
WHAT WILL YOUR PRESENT BE?
MAMA YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL.
ALWAYS YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL.
THAT`S THE MAMA I`LL ALWAYS SEE,
THAT`S FOR MAMA WITH LOVE FROM ME.
| | Posted by Lookin' at 4:46 PM - | |
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Wednesday January 3, 2007
Here we are in 2007 and My 2007 resolution is: You buy it - You pay for it! (I know this is longer than usual, but I have to get this off my chest – before I explode)
Dear Family: After years of paying it for you – I’m done. The LookingforLucy benevolent society has dried up – and funds for you are “zip” – “gone” – “empty” "nada" – and I am not in the least bit sad or feeling guilty by that fact. Sorry Charlie – I will not be used by you again- Period. Now I am not talking about my kids, they are doing just fine. I am talking about my siblings (they know which ones), my nephews and my enabling Mother whom have called to have me cover “hot checks and bail money, car repairs, utilities, food, clothing, etc. etc. etc.” They have become the “ticks” on my back and they will suck me dry if I don’t do something about it. So today I am getting dipped and putting back on my “tick and flea” collar. Get it? Or in other words, “no soup for you.”
Life at times can be like a big exciting merry-go-round. Just twirling and circling around and around with exciting colorful animals unable to get off, but that you can sit upon and ride. Fixed creatures that people climb on and ride until the merry-go-round stops. Great carousel music and you get a little dizzy but it is fun to ride at least once in your life. The merry-go-round of life, as I call it. But, for some, I have noticed that they never get off the merry-go-round. Maybe they choose a different animal to ride but they always end up at the same old destination and they refuse to get off the ride. They don’t even pay; they expect you to pay for it, as if you owe it to them. They expect you to keep paying for them so they can still have their fun year after year no matter how old they get. Different day – same old ride. What’s with that mind-set?
So I’ve decided to shut down the carnival stay away from the crazy people who won’t do a thing to change anything in their lives. I think it is called a “learning curve” when you finally get it that to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome is called INSANITY. I was becoming the crazy one trying to deal with them. You can’t be logical with illogical people – right?
My family members have “used” me one time to many and always call at holidays for a new handout. They think I am to save them from themselves. I don’t want to play with them anymore! Is there anyone out there who understands where I am coming from – or am I standing alone on this island? I am so tired of this unending story. Let me put that in capital letters – I AM TIRED OF BEING USED BY MY FAMILY and THEM THINKING I AM A BANK WITH FUNDS FOR THEIR PLEASURE. They play and I pay. I am tired of their attitude of “what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine too.” I am taking my ball and going home (my home – not theirs) –
When it comes to dysfunctional, my family’s name is in the dictionary as a description. I could tell you so much, but it is so depressing. Is it just me or are their others out there who have this problem? Do you have a family who just bugs the heck out of you – like mind does me? If not – do you want to rent them for a year or two? Can I sell them on ebay? 
| | Posted by Lookin' at 3:23 PM - | |
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